Change Your Life by Changing your Narrative
The foundational theory of the coaching certification I received is a concept called the Internal Locus of Control, which is a term from psychology that refers to the idea that the only thing we have one hundred percent control over in life is ourselves. It’s from this perspective that coaching has its power because it helps people be aware of what is going on internally for them and from that place of awareness, they can make changes that help them achieve their goals. It’s not always an easy process as limiting beliefs, challenging emotions and internal blocks to taking action come up but the results are always worth it when breakthroughs happen.
As I work with more and more clients from various industries, it’s become increasingly clear to me how much our thoughts and our narratives shape our experiences in life. It’s fascinating to me that two people can deal with the same situation in completely different ways simply based on what's going on internally for them.
The good news is that our internal state is part of the internal locus of control and that we have control over it. Helping people not only be aware of themselves but also feel empowered to manage the aspects of their lives they can control is the main focus of a coach. Since we have control over our mind and the narratives we create, why not use it in a way that serves us?
Let’s take an example of someone who doesn’t get hired for a job they really wanted. Simplifying, let’s say they have 3 ways to handle their narrative around not getting the job:
It’s easy to see from this example that cultivating a positive story around the situation will make it easier to go into subsequent interviews and feel confident. Since it’s just a story anyway, why not tell one that serves us? Thoughts affect emotions so controlling our mind to steer clear of negative thinking can also help us manage our emotional state.
While creating a positive narrative can be a great tool to use from time to time, the goal is to stay in a neutral state as much as possible, especially when making decisions. Why would a neutral story be better than a positive one? Because that is the place in which you can be curious, understand what’s really going on in the moment and make the best decisions. It allows us to gather data without bias or judgment. While a positive story can motivate us, the truth is we may still be telling a story about something we have no control over so we can’t be certain that it’s the truth. Even though it’s a positive one, it’s still a bias that skews our perception, and making decisions from a misplaced sense of optimism can lead to unintended consequences.
Here's an example where a neutral story, without creating any narrative around the facts, is useful. Imagine you are releasing new content as a creator that you feel is really great and you are telling a positive story that it's going to do well and your audience is going to love it. Being neutral allows you to see what really happens when you release the content and act accordingly. In this instance, a positive bias might make us hold on to the idea that the type of content we just created is something we should continue when, in reality, our audience didn’t enjoy it. That’s where being in a neutral story, that is simply facing the facts and the situation surrounding you, you are best equipped to deal with the situation at hand. You can tweak the content to try to create content that is well received or you can completely scrap it once you have the audience feedback that people aren’t receptive to it.
Another example of when staying neutral and steering clear of stories is an asset is when you are hiring someone. Having a positive or a negative bias about someone based on something you may have seen on their resume or their LinkedIn can influence you before you meet the person and can decide for yourself. Either type of bias can prevent you from making the best choice around whether someone is a great fit for your team and the role you are hiring for. Staying neutral in an interview allows you to be present in the moment and really assess the person based on what you learn from the interviewing experience.
In summary, here are the steps to manage your internal narrative in any given situation:
Be Aware of your Narrative- Pay attention to the stories you are telling yourself
Change your Thoughts if They don’t Serve you- A positive story is usually more helpful than a negative one so use creating a positive story as a tool when needed
Try to Maintain a Neutral Story as Much as Possible- Removing our bias from situations can help us make the best decisions
As a coach, I can help you move through these steps to help you exert greater mastery over your internal locus of control so you can manage your internal world in a way that serves you and enables you to achieve your goals.