Leveraging Feedback as a Superpower
Improving yourself based on feedback can be an extremely helpful tool if you know how to do it effectively. Listening to the right feedback at the right time can be game changing and can help you move in the direction of your goals. In fact, some of the people I see struggling in their lives and not being able to move towards their goals, often, aren’t good at listening to feedback from people that care about them even when it could help them move forward.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, listening to too much feedback and constantly trying to please and to listen to everyone who has feedback for you can leave you burned out and confused. Finding balance and a strategy to manage feedback is a superpower. How do we do that? Here are some tips to use feedback effectively:
Filter the Information
When you are in a Power Dynamic, Decide how much Weight the Feedback will have
Use Negative Feedback to Improve Yourself
Don’t let Anyone’s Opinion Matter more than your Own
Filter the Information
One of the best things about having strong relationships with people is that they feel comfortable sharing feedback with you. This can be a positive thing but also challenging when you are not ready to receive the feedback. Some people are better than others at reading when the right time for feedback is but for people who don’t think about it, it’s up to you to filter their feedback.
There are two criteria I use when deciding when to listen to someone’s feedback:
Competence
Care
The first criteria is about deciding whether the person who has the feedback has the level of competence on the subject they are giving advice on. I often see a person who has no kids criticizing someone’s parenting choices or people who have never been a leader of a company doing the same. Before you let that feedback seep in, ask yourself the following questions:
Does this person have expertise or valid experience in the area they are sharing about?
Have they achieved something in their life related to this subject that makes this feedback valuable?
Do I trust that this person knows what they are doing when it comes to this topic?
If the answer to any of the above questions is No, you might want to rethink how you incorporate the feedback and if it’s worth your time trying to listen to it.
The second criteria is about whether someone cares about you and has a vested interest in your success. This second standard is also of critical importance because the last thing you want to do is to take feedback from someone who wants to undermine you on some level. The questions to ask yourself related to this are:
Does this person genuinely care about me?
Is this person invested in my success and in my happiness?
Could there be anything else motiving this person to share this information other than positive intent?
Again, if the answer to any of the above questions is No, you might want to rethink what you do with the feedback.
Even when someone is sharing something from a place of competence and care, it’s impossible to incorporate everyone’s feedback all the time on every topic. Getting comfortable thanking someone for sharing and doing what is right for you is an important life skill. Giving everyone’s opinion equal weight without considering how much weight you should give it is a ticket to unhappiness. Don't spend time trying to please everyone because you never will.
When you are in a Power Dynamic, Decide how much Weight the Feedback will have
Pretty much every person who is working is involved in a situation where there is a power dynamic and there are people that they need to listen to. Even a CEO of a multinational company is accountable to the company’s Board of Directors. Startup founders have to listen to investors. Anyone who has a boss is in a position where a specific person's feedback has a measurable impact on their career and their success. These situations are a little trickier to navigate but equally important to handle and to manage to be successful.
What’s the best way to handle feedback from someone in a power position over you?
The easiest situation is when you agree with the feedback you are given and can make actionable change from it. If that’s the case, make the change and move on.
Another situation is where you might agree with the feedback but can’t implement it for some reason. In those cases, being upfront about blockers and what people above you can do to help you remove them is important. In those situations, let everyone know you plan to implement the feedback as soon as it’s possible or when specific conditions are present.
The most challenging situation is when you disagree with the feedback and/or don’t want to make the change. It's always possible to disregard your own truth and just do what is asked of you, but if that is detrimental to you, you have to decide if you want to take the risk and go against the power dynamic. The consequences of this can vary from getting promoted and getting accolades for following your gut (against what everyone said) when it goes well, to being fired for doing what you believed was right as a leader when things don’t work out.
There is no right or wrong answer to what to do in this scenario, just a decision about what’s best for you.
One of the qualities of a standout leader is knowing when to incorporate feedback and change, when to compromise and when to go against the grain to do what you know is right. This is a skill developed over time that only experience can teach you.
Use Negative Feedback to Improve Yourself
When you receive negative feedback, it can be easy to get defensive and dismiss it right away. Before you do this, use the two criteria above (competence and care) to decide how much weight to give it. Also, it’s important to see if there is validity to the concern and what piece of information you want to gleam from it. Sometimes people’s feedback is 100% about them and sometimes it’s not. Taking time to introspect so you know the difference is key. Sometimes negative feedback that hurts a little can be the fire that motivates us to change and to make ourselves better. Whatever the case, the ability to receive negative feedback and to take action on it, as appropriate, will make you a better person and an exceptional leader.
Don’t let Anyone’s Opinion Matter more than your Own
Noteworthy leaders know who they are, what their values are and have a clear vision and direction for their companies and their teams. Without this, they would be influenced by everyone all the time and their teams and business would be like a boat that is constantly changing directions and not getting anywhere. A great leader has a direction they are taking the boat while also listening to the weather, the winds and their crew to decide what choices to make. Always remember that the most important voice is your own so have a clear idea of who you are and the direction of your career and you won’t be easily swayed by others opinions.
The same is true for your personal life and choices. Everyone has their own life path that should be guided by their own values, goals and visions for their lives so don’t let anyone else's ideas steer you away from your own sense of what is right.
Being able to filter feedback and take the best of it to make yourself better as a human being and a leader is a true superpower. Learn how to do this and success will come naturally because continuous improvement will be ingrained into who you are.