How to Set Boundaries as a Leader

People presume that possessing a C-level title endows you with certain characteristics: that you’re put together, strong, and know all the answers…

Having worked with a multitude of C-level executives, I can tell you that these presumptions aren’t always true. Executives are human just like everybody else, which means they’re likely to have the same faults and weaknesses as the rest of us. In fact, once you reach that level, your position amplifies any personal issues you have if you haven’t already mitigated them. 

A common issue that I’ve noticed in leaders, at all levels, is the communication of boundaries, whether between bosses and their peers or among peers themselves. You would be surprised by how anxious people become by having to assert their authority over employees and impart upon them expectations, not only in terms of deliverables but their behavior, too.

Many people avoid confrontation because it’s uncomfortable, but growth requires feeling discomfort. The good news is that the better you become at establishing boundaries, the easier letting go of nervousness becomes.

What is a Boundary?

The definition of a boundary is “A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” As a leader implementing behavioral expectations, the definition doesn’t change—it’s a limit you’ve set forth in relation to, both, productivity and conduct.

So how do you set boundaries? In order to set boundaries, you have to start by understanding your own limits. Once those are established, you must then clearly communicate—and, when necessary, reinforce—them.

Know your Boundaries

A lot of people weren’t, for a variety of reasons, taught boundaries as children, leaving them incapable of articulating their own needs. However, as adults, we have to take ownership of our lives to change that. It might seem overwhelming at first, but setting aside some quiet time every day to connect with yourself is a great way to become aware of your own needs. Some people meditate or take walks, while others are able to accomplish this through physical exercise, which is an excellent way of reconnecting with one’s own body. Whatever your method, you have to be true and clear to yourself about what your boundaries are.

As a leader, when it comes to your team, your expectations surrounding professionalism and performance are justified. You can use yourself as an example by imparting to your team what you required of yourself to get where you are.

Communicate your Boundaries

Once you are clear about your boundaries, communicating them in a calm, relaxed manner will yield the best results. If you don’t feel in control of your emotions on a particular day, I suggest waiting until you are more relaxed so that you can communicate calmly. People hear what you say better when you’re composed because their nervous systems respond, in kind, and become relaxed. This may not always be possible, but when it is, it is the best route.  

If you are in a situation where you have to have an uncomfortable conversation about a team member’s performance, and it’s at a time when your mental or emotional state feels imbalanced, postpone the meeting (even if only for a few minutes to regain your composure) so that you don’t risk damaging the relationship. Remember, the goal is to ensure your boundary is respected, not to unload frustration on your direct report.

When we’re in healthy relationships, setting boundaries isn’t a problem and they will be honored. Being in healthy relationships helps us communicate boundaries to people in respectful ways that leave all parties feeling good.

Something to note: you should always be clear about which boundaries are negotiable and which aren’t. If you are in a relationship with someone who consistently disregards all of your boundaries, as if they were negotiable or nonexistent, perhaps it’s time to think about whether this relationship is right for you.

As the leader of a team, you have control over whom you hire and how they treat you, so I would make sure you hire people who will respect your boundaries. 

Decide what Consequences (if any) Exist when Boundaries are Crossed

Lastly, to have credibility, the consequences for violating boundaries have to be clear to all parties. This isn’t always necessary, but it is important. Take, as an example, an employee who’s not performing: if you don’t attempt to rectify this problem, it will tacitly validate their behavior, and the issue will persist. Moreover, it isn’t fair to competent employees—and it’s fair to assume they will notice—because it sends them the message that all employees will be treated the same way, irrespective of performance.

It might be challenging at first, but difficult performance conversations will always lead to better outcomes for you, your direct reports, and the company.

For boundaries to be credible, they must be uncompromising, otherwise you’ll be perceived as a person whom others can walk all over.

I often see people waver in the steps between communicating boundaries and enforcing consequences for their circumvention(s), because conflict and displeasing others makes them uncomfortable. However, this is exactly when you should not backpedal, because it’s an opportunity for the work you put in internally to manifest materially. Do not feel encumbered by worries of how others might react to your assertiveness or whether they will still like you. Instead, I suggest focusing on yourself and what comes up for you. It’s not your job to manage other people’s emotions and reactions; it is, however, your job to maintain your boundaries and, as importantly, to respect yourself. If you do that, you will become a leader that your team holds in high esteem, and for whom they will do their best work. 

Setting boundaries and holding the people in your life accountable to respect them is a simple, and life-changing tool.